Ohana

दोस्त सभी के होते हैं; लेकिन स्कूल के दोस्तों की बात ही कुछ और होती है

मां बाप की तरह समझते हैं वह दोस्त, जानते हैं वह दोस्त

टककर, जलन, कंपटीशन, चाहे किसी भी तोर से गुजर जाए यह दोस्त, दिल पर कोई असर नहीं होता

यह दोस्ती हम नहीं तोडेंगे


Most of the time, I never know what to say,

But I think I’ve finally found the words today.

All I’ve ever wanted to tell you,

Is that I’ll always think of you in everything that I do.

 

Even if we are very far apart,

Remember that you’ll always be in my heart.

I have so much to be grateful for,

All the memories and much much more.

 

We have all been through a lot in the past years,

But we have stayed together for all the laughter and the tears.

I might seem distant, but you are actually all I’ve got,

All I’ve ever wanted to say, is that I love you a lot.

trash

I have never been good enough and I have finally learnt to accept that I never will be. I look at people around me, like my friends and even people younger than me and I see how much they have accomplished in life and just how amazing they are, and then I look at myself and realise how incompetent I am. I’m never going anywhere in life. I’m never going to achieve anything in life. I’m going to die alone too. I have never been good enough in anything ever. I have never been good at studies, sports, any type of art, expressing anything, relationships, nothing. NOTHING AT ALL. I have never been good enough and I’m not even capable. I have learnt this, maybe the hard way, and I’ve given up on everything, including myself. I now just feel that there is no point and why should I even try because I really am not capable, so?? Maybe I was meant to be like this. Maybe life was supposed to be like this. Maybe I was supposed to be born and live this life like an incompetent, incapable, misfit….

chipped paint

My paint is chipping,

It’s peeling itself off.

I now fear,

That you will be able to see the parts of me

I work so hard

To keep hidden.

My paint is chipping,

And there are cracks in my walls.

The cement is giving way,

Like a house bare to the very storm,

Which my eyes bring on.

I watch it peel.

For now,

I am not ugly just on the outside,

But also within.

You damaged my soul.

More than third degree burns.

You left me scarred,

And damaged.

So damaged,

That I may never recover.

I slowly watch myself,

Crumble.

My paint

Is

Chipping.

God, I miss you.

Do you miss me now, after all this time? Or have you forgotten me? Have I become just another memory you push to the back of your mind before it fades away? What am I to you? What was I to you? I almost cry every time I talk about you, about us. I loved you more than anything in the world and felt so safe around you. I almost cry when I remember all our crazy memories. I die inside when I realize that it’s all over and it’s something I’ll never get back. When you were around, I had a certain sense of security. I knew that no matter who walked in or out of my life, you’d always stay and I’d always have you. We went from being everything to nothing. Does it even matter anymore? No. We are no longer who we used to be. In fact, it feels like there is no we. But God, I wish I could turn back the clock and change everything. Wish I could have you back. And God I wish I could just feel your love again. Oh dear god, I miss you so much.

Kill my soul,

Till I’m no longer whole.

As I sniff your smoke,

Give me that feeling, that you’re supposed to invoke.

I’m not using alcohol or drugs for my abuse,

My sadness is all that I have to use. 

Feeling like no one understands,

I will always be a victim at your hands.

Mortal

Skin, bones, flesh and blood.

One day, it’ll all dry up, die off, run out.

That flame in our soul,

Will one day extinguish and never reignite.

Breath will fade.

Hearts and bones will break.

Dreams will shatter and never come true.

Love will crash and burn.

Life won’t be what we know.

One day, we will all be forgotten.

The world will move on like we never existed.

That’s mortality.

It’s something we can’t comprehend.

Because

What are humans in the face of it?

Didi

We won’t stop fighting

About ‘Yours and Mine’

One second there’s havoc,

The next second we are fine.

And though you’re a bully

And we do often scream,

You’ll always be my best friend,

And we’ll always be the best team.

sever(e)

I remember sitting on the cold bathroom floor.

Bloodshot eyes.

Teardrops falling endlessly.

It’s dark.

I’m in pain.

I’m alone and lonely.

Multiple thoughts race through my head.

And I think to myself,

What if I sever all my ties with my heart?

Suddenly I realise,

That if I do,

I’ll never reach out again.

Not for you.

Not for anyone.

Because this time, the damage would be too severe.

Oh these sorrows,

I’m drowning in them.

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